So I haven't really blogged anything personal on thing blog. Why? Because I was scared.. didn't want to share my feeling etc. ha. But I feel as if I should just share what I'm feeling. I feel lost, confused and very very sad. I miss the one person I've ever really loved and I don't know if we'll ever be together again. I sound pathetic I know, but it sucks. I was so angry at him for awhile, and hurt that I just shoved my true feelings aside. But now they're back.. and I don't know. They confuse me. I know I loved him.. in fact I know that I still do love him. We've been talking the last couple of days and I've loved every moment of it. But it makes me sad. Like something is missing. I have yet to figure it out though. I'm still trying to figure things out.. figure out what I am feeling and what is right. It's a hard thing to do.
I still really miss my best friend. She was always there for me. It's great to be able to Skype with her daily. It has helped me a lot. It actually makes my day. It feels like we're hanging out. Just like old times. But it makes me sad. Sometimes all I really want is a Sabrina hug. Her hugs were the best! They could always help me to stop crying, to help me calm down.. they just got to me. And I am in need of one a lot lately. I'm trying to save up some money so I can fly out to see her but so far it doesn't look too good. Makes me sad. We never ever planned for the day when one of us would move. We just didn't think it would happen. It's now been two months I think.. or three ha ha. I can't count. But it feels like it's been years. It's weird going from seeing each other every single day to oh hey.. lets go to the store by yourself or nope she's not two minutes away I have to hop on a plane now. It's weird being able to see her on Skype but not be next to her at our awesome sleepovers. The whole thing is just weird.
Lets just say that I am happy it is 2012. A new year, hopefully a better one.. :) I have a lot of things I wish to change.. and I'd like to start with some apologies..
First, to my family. I'm sorry for being a bum and being rude.. but thank you for loving me anyways.
Second, to my best friend. I'm sorry I took you for granted while you were here and I wasn't a better friend.
And third, to Chris. I'm just sorry. I probably can't say sorry enough.. but I am sorry for everything.
I just hope you all can forgive me. And I want to thank you all for being so kind to me, and making me a better person. You're all very special to me and I love you all so much. THANK YOU.